It’s Wet and it’s Dry?

So, back in the 80’s, Seagrams thought it was time for coolers to “man up”. No simple feat. Until you get Bruno on the case. This is where it begins:

What exactly does he say at the start? “Hit it boys”? “Hey there Doug”? “Hit it fellas”? Who cares? It’s solid gold…en wine. Nothing like sitting on the porch with your boys, drinking some wine coolers, singing the blues. That’s what guys do, right?

Even the dog wants in on the wine cooler and takes a sniff. For most of the commercial, the dog seems pretty chill. He puts up with Bruce’s blues band crap all the time. Doesn’t even phase him.

Now, this is where the fun starts….

Sitting in a bar, in a swanky part of town. Well, that’s about to change. Bruno will have these classy ladies in a dingy blues hole in no time. That’s where the fun starts.

Bruce is rocking the solid white suit. That explains the dancing around in the streets. The man can skip. But he can’t hold it together. When smoke bombs detonate, and your classy girls turn into 80’s strippers, the fun has to start. Those girls haven’t been eating much, so those coolers hit them hard.

Cut to the Eddie Murphy blues bar experience. Eddie knows what they want. 4 on the rocks. What else does a man’s man drink in a blues joint. He wants it wet and dry.

With all of this carousing around town, ladies are growing weary of Bruno, they are on to his ways of the wine coolers. Let’s see how long they can resist.

Here, we see a lady (could be in a fabio movie, easily) who is trying to play it cool with Bruno. But in a mere 30 seconds and 4 wine coolers, she doesn’t stand a chance. She knew she was playing with fire, but Bruno and Seagrams and Wet and Dry and Wine did her in.

I see a trend beginning. By day, Bruno sits and drinks wine coolers while holding blues court with the boys. By night, he is out adding notches to his wine cooler bottle. Bruce must own this bar he sits in, because I don’t know anyone who would let him sit around all day making up blues songs for the mysterious “Mr. Seagram”? Who is that man?

Extra Mention: 28 seconds in is gold. Bruce steals the “somebody’s dirty drunk uncle showing up after work in the bar” vibe. “Heyyyyyyy!”

Yet another victim. But, we see another side of Bruce Bogart. Another lady who doesn’t stand a chance. After his hard day of drinking coolers and singing blues songs, he apparently saved up a cool half a million dollars to by a giant diamond. And, that last line is gold. “It always sparkled, tonight we bring it back”. Damn.

Here’s another one to digest. Apparently, his sax player form the porch/bar is out of the shot in this one, but wailing away.

Yeah, it’s a smoldering hot day. You come home from work, only to see some guy in his window staring at you. Oh, look! He even broke into your house and put wine coolers in your fridge. There’s no roofies in those. Wait! Bruno didn’t do it. The notorious “Mr. Seagram” has struck again.

You know what? It’s been a solid 30 degrees Celsius in Toronto for the last week. So I can relate. I sure as hell hope Mr. Seagram sneaks into my house and puts some golden wine coolers in the fridge.

Now, for your consideration, what is this?

It doesn’t make any sense, but the charming bastard can pull it off! Bless you, Bruno. Next up, Seagrams ups the stakes. Enter, Sharon Stone.

The commercials are getting pretty “meta” at this point. But the stars are aligning. This is no joking around. Sharon freaking Stone and Bruce Willis. These wine coolers must be doing something right.

Also, Bruno is in no rush. He’s got all night for Sharon, but he will wear her down. Trust.

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